26 Miles an Hour

If age were transferred into speed, it would be a major oxymoron. At 26 miles an hour, you don't feel like you're getting anywhere...but at 26 years old you feel pressed to do just the opposite...get there and get there fast. Wherever "there" may be is negotiable for different people in different situations.I have found there for some people to be this sense of stability...which translates into little more than having it together. "It" being a nice place of dwelling, a house or townhouse most likely. An account with more than 3 measly digits before the decimal, a budding career, a nice car, not a compact, trendy attire...moderately reflective of your personality when possible, an circle of friends with similar stability, a reputation of the prior listed accolades, a significant other with similar noteworthy characterization, a knack for modernity...just to name a few societal expectations. It's overkill taken seriously. 

I find myself treading water somewhere among those overkilling quantifiers. Wanting to be stable, have a nice home, have a nice bank account, the budding career, the nice car...blah blah so drab right. Is this the new grain to flow with? Not bad though and quite likely if this is what we are all out for then there may be a generation of mild aristocrats in the making. Emphasis on mild. I don't know, I mean most of my friends are at a point where the main thought revolves around career and love... which in the absence of one the other takes precedence. Or in the presence of both, it becomes about advancement and management of both. In the presence of career without relationships, there's an increased emphasis on career. With relationship and no immediate interest in career, the relationship takes the role of emphasis. I guess neither of the two scenarios is per say wrong, but it does make it hard to find yourself in either aspect. If you are focused disproportionately on work, then you lose focus on yourself. If you are disproportionately focused on a relationship, then you often forget that taking care of yourself is just as important as being there for someone else. I guess that is life though. There seems to be a wave of marriage sweeping my network of people, which is a good thing. I am all about rebuilding the value of commitment in relationship, deep connection between a man and woman, and creating strong loving families. Yet, for so many women this is the focus the 20s. Finding or being in the right place to be found by "the one". But it's all so complex for colored girls...the weight of the world weighs just as heavy upon our shoulders as it does our black brothers. I mean is it wrong to want a loving relationship? Is it wrong for women to become disenchanted when they don't find it? Is it wrong to want what we see so many of our other ethnic counterparts getting in marriage? I could be mistaken, but I don't think its wrong to want those things at all...no matter how cliche people attempt to make it. So is the career oriented girl wrong for becoming uninterested or is the girlfriend girl wrong for wanting to become the wife? Is either wrong for secretly wanting both? Why does it have to be a choice? What's the meaning?

I digress- back to my point of this characterized standard we are all so feverishly seeking. I'm torn between tradition and modernity. I'm pregnant with desire to experience my life with passion and love. Maybe much like the passion you always seem to hear in Erykah Badu's voice that kind of passion that is not always in Souljah Boy's ...Don't get me wrong, I like him..but it's a passion not a norm or temporary mainstream fix that I seek. I want more. I want more than just a house. I want it to be a place of company, a warm dwelling that houses people of passion, purpose, and value. I want a career..but not just for a name. I recognize I'm likely never going to really LOVE work...but I don't see why I can't reap so value out of it. I want financial security..not so I can spend all my money and be flashy, but so I can do for myself, others, and still have enough to save. I want a circle of friends that also have a passion for what matters in life. I want a relationship with a man that is deeper than physical attraction, but a passionate connection of mind, body, and soul. A relationship that we both nurture everyday in a way that brings us closer together every night and every morning. (That's deep) And I don't believe it's impossible. I pray for my marriage now even though I'm not because I value it in advance. I pray for my children in advance because I want them to be blessed in advance. I don't care if it sounds unconstitutional...We put emphasis on the things we can see, why not put emphasis on the things we want but cannot see? I want more than just middle class or upper class..or whatever other class. I do not want my life to be quantified by how others perceive me or spend a lifetime trying to fancy my way into an group of pretentious individuals just for the sake of association. If I had an Aston Martin V12 Vantage someone would still have something to say about it. 

So I am here at 26...feeling like I have to be in a hurry. Feeling like if I don't get in the race I will be a Nokia 5190 or 3110 trying to maintain in a world of Blackberries and IPhones. I want the same things ..I just want more from it.. Passion I guess. If that in itself is not inundating? 

Carpe Diem 26!! Imagine when we meet 27!